Oh my Fucking Head AKA Adventures to the DMV

Good Morning to all Me Droogs!  The Intrepid Reporter is up and, if not running, is vertical and somewhat conscious.  Not for a lack of trying however.  Stayed up a bit late last night and put down a dozen or so of Finlandia’s Finest.

Then had the awful realization/wakeup at around Zero Dark Thirty, that I needed to go to the DMV to get me auto permit renewed.  It expired at the end of this week, and what with the schedule that I’ve been keeping, getting there was going to be no fucking fun at all.  I’m fucked.  DOOMED I Tell You, DOOMED!!!

I mean it is the Department of Motor Vehicles…
I actually got there an hour early… it opened at nine… the line outside was already 20 deep when I got there.  
Sheesh.
Great Movie
Now, besides the obvious Sloth gag above (which was fucking hilarious IMO) this particular DMV is off the beaten path.  It’s out in Farmville Country, so -usually- its not too crowded.  Unfortunately for -me-… the NORMAL hours are 8 to 4… except Wednesday.  Wednesday is 9 to 5…
Which means allll the wingnuts who didn’t get the word that’d it’d be open at 9 showed up at 8, hence the line of jokers.  I was lucky.  Some nice lady let me sit on the bench effectively cutting off 5 folks, but they were all pretty cool about it.  The whole bad back/bad knees sucks, but occasionally I catch a break.
So we waited.
And Waited.
And Waited.
One Hour can be a motherfucking looong time when yer sitting in the sun baking alive.  Yeah.  Despite it being 51 degrees this morning, the sun beating down had me and everyone else breaking a sweat.  Seems like it was an impromptu strip show for a lot of folks too.  Because it was 51 at the beginning of the day, all these fine folks were decked out for a Blizzard or some shit.  Hoodies, long sleeves, fucking jackets… even one malook with a snow cap on, although the facial jewelry on that dude leads me to belive that he always wears a snow cap…  fucker looks like a tacklebox blew up in his goddamned grill I swear.  So yeah, all these people sitting there, sweating their asses off… it wasn’t long before they were getting changed out and running the winterwear back to the cars.
Me?  I was in a T-Shirt and Gym Shorts…  Figured on being colder is better’n being hot.
Then the door opened.  Of course there were the obligatory “I didn’t see the line!” jumpers who -tried- to cut the whole fucking line, but the Sheriffs Deputy wasn’t having any of it.  That was a good thing I suppose… at least he didn’t “Hut-Hut-Hut” anyone…
Once in, I gotta say… color me fucking shocked.  This was the fastest DMV I have ever been to.  Total time from in the door to out the door?
12 minutes.   No shit.
I mean I’m still a bit taken aback.  Someone must have fucked up and put ALL the competent people out here in Farmville as punishment or something.  The DMV I went to downtown some-odd years ago was so bad I was pretty much expecting the same.  I brought, well like everything to prove who I was…Birth Certificate, SS Card, Passport, 2 Current Bills showing residence… hell the only thing missing was Retinal Patterns and Fingerprint card.  Which, judging from the way things are going in the FUSA, those WILL probably be on the list not too far down the road.
But, I actually -didn’t- need them.  I mean maybe officially I did… the website was pretty adamant about having ’em, and I’ll be fucking jiggered if I get there an not have the right shit with me.  I wasn’t wasting a fucking trip ya know?  So I get up to the counter and nice lady is all like “Do you have your current License?”  I handed it over and started breaking out the paperwork and she was all “Oh look darlin’, yer good!”  Then she amazingly whipped through all the shit in like 7 minutes fucking flat.  Handed me a receipt, and wished me a good day!
What planet am I on, and how did I get here?
There was a little box on the desk that allows the customer to hit a button on it that grades the service that they have received.  It ranged from “Excellent Service” to “Sucked Ass”.  I hit the Excellent.  Wish there was a way to say “This broad needs to be running this whole shitshow!”  She was fast, competent, pleasant, not to hard on the eyes…
Fuck… I’m pretty sure I’m going to come out of the Coma from where the Mack Truck ran me over any minute now… this shit just cannot be real LOL!
So thats it for now, politics later as I got a rant on coming.  I also have to finish the flammenwerfer stuff.  I promised, and now that I’m unemployed, I got time to finish it.  I also, per a couple of commenters, added a Tip Jar if’n y’all are so inclined.  If not, s’all good.  I’m still gonna come here and gripe and bitch b/c that what I like to do, and since y’all seem to dig it, I’ll keep at it.
Until Later, I remain the Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

By BigCountryExpat

Fuck you if you can't take a joke. No one gets out alive so eat me.

2 comments

  1. Here in the socialist state of New York, they have put most of the DMV services you need online with the exception of driver's license renewals. Damn!

    The local DMV office here is a place where time stops and you are facing an eternity of standing and waiting. I think that there is also an unwritten rule that when the line at DMV (Supermarkets too) gets longer than 4 people, they immediately shut down one station thereby guaranteeing that anyone visiting might have better brought lunch with them. The only thing worse is that you need an additional form or signature. Go to the end of the line, abandon all hope ye who enter these gates.

  2. Unemployed? In this economy, did not think that possible. If you are breathing and can say Si and No, you get work on the spot. Hope you find something that pays well, is fun (legal) and soon bubba.

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