So ANYways

Afternoon me Droogs n Droogettes

So Day Whatever of Wifey being gone.  Work progresses, however slow it is, and got some news today that was a bit -bothersome-.  She went up to the Kentucky/Tennesee/North Carolina A.O. cause the step-spawn need(s) surgery… Possible tumor or some such whatever, and on my experience, told her and HER hubby that getting all the offending material out in one fell swoop is the way to go in case of malignancy.
Well…. needs still.  She was scheduled to go under ye olde knife at oh dark this A.M…  I get the call at 0745, and expect good news… which it is, but it ain’t, but it is, but it ain’t.  I get the “Babe… (insert extremely long pause… long enough to start to worry)”
Me: (Fuckin’ still asleep, not cognizant) “Whuzzle!”
Her: “Le sigh… Spawn is ok, but they couldn’t do the surgery.”
Me: (Still half asleep) “Huuuurder?”
Her: (Teeth grinding) “She’s pregnant.  Again.”
Me: (Wide awake at the implications) “Jesus Fuck a Shit Souffle!” 
Seems Stepspawn is preggers.  Goddamit.  This despite a full on surgically implanted ‘no baby for you’ device.  1 in 1000 failure rate.  Guess who the fucking one is….
So now, Other Grandparents are INFLAMED.  That’s putting it mildly.  These are the two idiots (stepspawn and moron) who had Granbebe, and we all hadda step in and take her b/c they’re both about as capable of raising a child as oh, I dunno… a pack of snails.  And it’s been costing a LOT of shekels.
Now, juuuust as we were getting out of the ‘itty-bitty-baby’ mode (complete w/disposal of ALL the small items like onesies and all the other bullshit) and getting into ‘small human unit’ support mode (still not fully functional but up-gradable and/or trainable) THIS fuckin’ thing happens.
Curve Ball Central, Big Country Speaking, How May I Assist You?  
So, Good News, Bad News.
Fuck how I’m gonna deal with this particular smoking heap of shit.  Other Grandparents ain’t stepping up, and me?  I like being a part-timer.  I LIKE my sleep.  AND not having a full time dada gig… Been there, done that, got rid of my spawn 5 years ago.
Good news, Granbebe is gonna be a sister to -something-… what we have no idea as of yet but goddamn.
So, that’s what I got for today… Poly-Ticks and the stupidity of the Left has got nothing on my soon to be castrated son-in-law.  And it ain’t me who’s gonna be pulling his package… That’s ALL wifey’s field o’dreams… a dull knife or spoon I think she mentioned… oh well… you play, you pay.
More later, I’m the Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

By BigCountryExpat

Fuck you if you can't take a joke. No one gets out alive so eat me.


  1. Ya know, I do think you'll make sure the litle sex trophy turns out OK.
    And yes it sucks goat dick.

  2. A baby on the hip changes things…
    I can tell each of my step children 'No' with a clear conscience. But the little children that didn't ask for a ticket to the shit show deserve better. So we (fathers and grandfathers) swallow hard and start signing the checks. It's a patriarchal thing to do. And the little ones do watch, learn and internalize the lessons of life.

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