The King has a New Throne

Greetings me Droogs n Droogettes…
Spent the morning doing ‘around the house’ chores.

Namely installing a new Throne in the shitter:

The old one was beat the fuck up and was the original that came with the house.  Paltry half-gallon “earth saving” bullshit model… that started malfunctioning about 2 years ago.  I know… I should have changed it out a few back, but man, doing a toilet change is one of the nastiest jobs you can do around the house.  Its also dangerous if yer not careful.

Case in point DadUnit, AKA DeadDad, back in the day he did a toilet swap in the house.  During the process he scratched an itch on his ear w/out thinking about it.  Two days later he had a raging ear infection that ended up being septic as fuck.  He was lucky to not lose the hearing, never mind all the shit that came pouring out of his head.

So since that episode, I approach the changing of a turd catcher with great reluctance and then, when I get cornered into doing it, I go full MOPP4 with gloves, goggles, mask… you know… like you do going to the supermarket these days… my, how times have changed eh?  SO I got’er dun, although with some difficulty.  Seems 15 year old nuts that’ve rusted that badly even when you soak ’em in Penetrating Catalyst for 20 minutes they don’t unscrew.  So I busted out the dremel with my cutting wheel attachment and went to town.  For about a minute.  Went through 3 cutting wheels, one that was expensive at $2 a shot, so then I got pissed.

The Missuz knew to keep her mouth shut when I came out of the bathroom mumbling dire prevarications and oaths to the Blood God.  She didn’t even blink when I went back into the bathroom with my 4 pound mini sledge.
God it was soooooooo cathartic to beat the old shitter to a ruin.
Not so badly as to make too much of a mess mind you.  Just enough to get it off the floor, and out the door so to speak.  Then I shop vacc’d the pieces-parts that chipped off when I was doing my John Henry imitation, cleaned up the old wax ring, and installed the new one.

Side note:  Its the 21st fuckin Century.  Why in the fuck are we still using wax rings to secure and seal our shitters?  I mean hell, why don’t we have some magic sciencey poo vaporizer by now?

God man… I (hell most of us on this here blog) are of an age that grew up on the Jetsons man…. You never saw or heard of George gettin assed up that his crapper was malfunctioning, or that Judy had flushed a cotton pony down the pipe and flooded the crib…The shitters in the future must have been perfect, like everything else.  Expectations were made, and the fuckers lied to us like an animated fuckin rug man…

So, final result, Big Country 1, Old Shitter 0.  I win.

And the new shitter is a joy.  Has three settings… low, medium and dump truck.  Push one button on the left if you only peed.  Little Flush.  Push the button on the right, get a Bigger Flush… call it a medium download size that needs to flush.  Both buttons at once?  Me?  I personally don’t want to be sitting on this thing when both are pushed… it’s the Turbo-Flush 2000 and methinks if the seal is good, it might rip my package off.  Last time I saw a crapper like that was int he new barracks in Fort Hood… the shitter was so strong it could eat a whole combat boot without getting jammed.  A most impressive toy.

Sooooo… speaking of Toilets and Shit.  Seems someone somewhere decided to try and torpedo Slow Joe Biden despite him being the DemonRats candidate.  My analysis of it is pretty simple.  He’s sliding far too fast for them to cover for the mental deterioration situation anymore.  I mean I’ve personally seen it up close with friends, and when I worked in a Nursing Home some many years ago.  We had patients that started out a bit ‘forgetful’ and had some mood swings… the speed in which they deteriorated was stunning.  And right now?  Old Gropey is showing the exact same signs and everybody knows it.

They used Biden to get the Black vote and to oust Bernie.  Hell, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knew Bernie wasn’t actually running for the prez… it was “one last grift until that last goodnight” for him.  He’s never worked an honest day in his life, and going by that pattern, he would NEVER last as President as its a lot of fucking work and that word “Work” is an anathema to a Crypto-Commie Jew like Bernie.  He was in it strictly for the sweet sweet lucre he could con out of the retard millennials who dream of being a Grift King like Bernie….  Sorry to tell ya kids, but unless you belong to ((the club))) you ain’t getting the inside track on a no-work $$$ making con like that.

So now, the question becomes not IF Joey Bananas quits, its when.  It’ll have to be soon.  They need to get the Lead time up.  Odds are its gonna be Nipples Cuomo.  He’s had plenty of face time nationally lately because he’s Fredo’s brother AND the fact that he’s been being a dick to Orange Man Bad.  Now, methinks there’s a bit of a split mind you amongst the Rats.  My rationale for that is on one hand, I’ve been seeing a LOT of calls for him to resign in the face of the accusation.  This from the Rats themselves.  On the other hand however, we’re seeing the CNN Brigade pulling a cover up, by deleting shit on the web, and acting like a fucking press agency for the goddamned Stasi or GRU.

Oh, and BTW… Cuomo gets his nickname fair n square:

On closer inspection:

Looks like a couple of bars going thru there.
I ain’t gonna judge.  I personally did it back in the 101st drunk as fuck one night in Nashville… I was with a broad who was getting it done… really hot chick… getting it done sealed the deal for the pussy that night so why the fuck not?  1995-96 was the whole beginning of the piercing/tat coming into the general public anyhoo.  However, I was what? 26?  Nipples is fucking 62… and his divorce went through a couple months back, so it looks like he’s doing the ‘swinging single’ experimental stage right now.  Good for him… I personally don’t give a fuck, ‘cept calling him ‘Nipples’ will drive the DemonRats crazy.  As for me?  I took those painful motherfuckers out as soon as I sobered up LOL.

Now, better him than Hillarhoid.  Seems we haven’t heard much from Her Sheness lately, and I’m good with that.  Although, apparently Kim Jong Un recently came into information that could see Hillary jailed, and “Oops, I did it again!” said Hillary.  Rest in Peace Un… you weren’t that bad as far as Overarching Evil Bad Guy Dictators go… I would have loved to see him do a bit more than he did…

Instead now?  We got the Sister.  31 years old.  Kim Yo-jong.  Married, one kid.  The brains behind Un apparently.  I’ll be curious to see how that particular goatfuck plays out.  As a really good friend of mine, Sheridan Commander pointed out, we ain’t got like any Naval assets in the Pacific right now.  S.C. BTW is my old boss, and a retarded Lt Col. from the Division back in the day.  Crazy fucker used to be a Tank Paratrooper, a mutually exclusive set of terms if there ever was one.  But, he’s dead right.  The carriers are down n anchored for CoronaChan, and those are the heavy hitters.  I also find it interesting that around the same time as our Carriers started having problems, the new Chinese Helicopter Assault Carrier they just finished building caught fire. 

Going back to an older post I did about a Certain Navy SEAL/Doctor/Astronaut, Dr. Jonny Kim:

Wonder if a certain highly talented Doctor might have been seen catching a smoke on the flight deck of the aforementioned ship?  If there’s one thing for certain, this is ONE dude I could see pulling off an op like that is the Good Doctor.

Inquiring minds want to know.

Until later, I remain the Intrepid Reporter
Big Country

By BigCountryExpat

Fuck you if you can't take a joke. No one gets out alive so eat me.


  1. GD it!!!!! My post got wiped out while I was trying to post it! Fuck. Any way, what was I saying???? Excellent post my friend! You are spot on with Biden, senile old fart who doesn't know the difference between a crossword puzzle and the launch codes. Sanders is playing a waiting game now that Biden has a woman saying he assaulted her 20 years ago. It'll be interesting to see how that plays out. Kim Jo is chomping at the bit to become a nuclear bitch and wants to fulfill her grandpa's dream of reuniting north and south! Oh by the way, China wants Taiwan back and there's not a thing we can do right now. We're screwed.

  2. Have you had Sapper sit on the toilet of death when ya punch both launch buttons? That ought to have some chuckles value? I am worried with the newish Kim iffn' she would launch her scuds when on the PMS carousel?

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